Here at Coastal Transitions, we field a lot of phone calls every week from people looking for guidance on the process of finding a suitable place for their loved one to live. The person calling is typically in the role of primary caregiver, and after just a few questions, the condition we call “caregiver burnout” is something we commonly recognize.
Caregiver burnout is when a caregiver has reached levels of exhaustion, stress, and frustration bordering on - or already reaching - unhealthy levels.
If we could choose one phrase to express how most people feel while experiencing caregiver burnout, it would be “I can’t do this anymore.” Not only have we heard this on the other end of the phone many, many times, it also perfectly encompasses the state of being burned out - the feeling that it’s becoming impossible to shoulder such an unsustainable amount of responsibility.
We also often encounter the reluctance to admit being burned out in the first place. No one wants to feel like they’re coming up short at being a “good” son, daughter, or spouse; this unfortunate sentiment can cause a person to be hesitant to talk about their burnout with others. The feeling of guilt attached to not being able to do it all - to juggle your needs, your own family’s needs, your job AND be the primary caregiver for another person - is overwhelmingly difficult to deal with.
But consider how taking good care of yourself so that you can take good care of others is analogous to how we as passengers on an airplane are instructed to put our oxygen masks on first before we place them on our child. It would not be safe to ignore this protocol, and while it may seem counterintuitive to take care of yourself before those who depend on you, the truth is your health and wellbeing are just as important as the person you’re caring for.
Bottom line, caregiver burnout is very serious. Not only is it a clear sign that you’ve taken on too much, but it has potentially harmful consequences for your wellbeing.
This is why at Coastal Transitions we bring an abundance of compassion and understanding as well as zero judgment when having the caregiver burnout conversation with our clients. In addition to tackling the main source of the burnout - helping you find a place for your loved one to transition to where they will receive the care they need or exploring the option of hiring supplemental home health aides or respite caregivers - we have a few tips for preventing and relieving caregiver burnout.
Sleep. It’s so important to get some solid shuteye every single night, whether you only need a quick five hours or you require a longer slumber. The benefits of restful sleep cannot be overstated.
Exercise. Moving your body, whether it be a walk on the beach, yoga, a bike ride, et cetera is a natural stress deterrent.
Eat well. Nourish your body with whole foods and healthy ingredients. It makes a discernible difference in so far as energy levels go when you fuel yourself with quality.
Don’t beat yourself up. Practice positivity when you think about yourself in the caregiver role. Chances are you’re doing the best you can despite your circumstances. You’re not superhuman, and you can only do so much without neglecting other important areas of your life.
Delegate. We often talk to clients who feel like they would be a burden to their family members or friends if they asked for a little help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the people in your life you trust to take a bit off your plate. We know a caregiver who routinely delegates small errands to his adult children once a week or so - it may seem insignificant, but it’s more items off of his to-do list which translates to more time for him to take care of himself.
Accept your feelings. Whatever emotions you’re feeling - anger, sadness, frustration - it’s okay. Being the primary caregiver for someone during the last stage of their life is no easy feat. It’s emotionally and physically draining, especially when that person is your loved one. Lean into your feelings, don’t apologize for them, focus on being proactive in taking care of yourself, and remember that you are not alone.
Talk to someone. Don’t hesitate to call your primary care physician to discuss your concerns about your mental and physical health. Local and online support groups are also a wonderful place to find kinship and solace from others experiencing similar struggles.
Do you have questions about caregiver burnout? We’re here to help. Contact us today at 207-569-3283 or email us at info@coastaltransitionsofmaine.com.