As our loved ones age, it often becomes necessary to assess their ability to continue to drive safely. Determining when it's time to take away the car keys from a loved one, especially a parent, requires careful consideration and can become a tense situation if the senior loved one doesn’t believe they are no longer able to safely drive.
Here are some signs to look for when determining if it’s still safe for your loved one to be out on the road, as well as some guidance on how to approach this sensitive topic with both empathy and support.
Signs to Look For
Declining Coordination: Keep an eye out for deteriorating motor skills. This could include problems with braking or accelerating smoothly, difficulty gripping the steering wheel, or trouble turning the steering wheel.
Confusion: Look for signs that they are experiencing an increase in confusion. Are they forgetting something you just told them? Are they getting lost when on their way to a familiar location?
Declining Eyesight: Good vision is important to safe driving. When riding with your loved one, be on the lookout for signs of worsening eyesight. This includes difficulty reading road signs, frequent squinting, or trouble seeing objects at a distance.
Frequent Dings and Accidents: If you start to notice more frequent damage to their car, such as dings, unexplained scratches, and frequent fender benders, this is a sign that their driving skills have diminished and it may be time for them to cease driving.
Professional Driving Assessments
Some communities offer specialized driving assessments for seniors to objectively evaluate their driving capabilities. For example, in Maine, Pathways Driving Rehabilitation Services offers driving tests for the elderly. These objective assessments can provide valuable insights, and help determine whether or not it's time for someone to stop driving.
How to Have a Conversation About Driving
Successfully navigating the topic of taking away a loved one’s keys will require sensitivity and understanding. Here are some tips to help you navigate this difficult conversation:
Document Examples of Driving Issues: Before broaching the subject, make sure you have concrete examples of concerning driving behavior ready to share with your elderly loved one. This can include mentioning that you’ve observed they struggle to see at night, have difficulty reading road signs, or that you’ve noticed recent and/or frequent vehicle damage.
Subtly Bring Up Your Concerns and Offer Support: When broaching the subject, choose a calm and relaxed environment. Mention your concerns subtly and gently, focusing on their safety and the safety of others on the road. Avoid being confrontational or accusatory. It’s important to make them feel like you are on the same side, and that you’re not attacking them or accusing them of being a bad driver. Let your loved one know that this decision is not about taking away their independence but rather ensuring their well-being.
Explore Alternate Transportation Options: Losing the freedom of driving also means creating difficulties getting from Point A to Point B. Discuss other methods of transportation they can use to run errands, go grocery shopping, and attend medical appointments. Some options include public transportation, taxis, and rideshare companies. You can also discuss how food delivery companies, like Uber Eats, can deliver fresh, hot meals, and that many grocery stores now offer delivery services.
Consider Senior Living Organizations: If you feel it’s appropriate, discuss the benefits of moving to a senior living community. In addition to often providing transportation services, these communities also typically offer group outings and social activities in a supportive and engaging environment.
Initiating a conversation with a senior loved one about driving can be emotionally challenging, but it's crucial for their safety and the well-being of others on the road. By observing signs such as decreased coordination, medication side effects, declining eyesight, and frequent dings or accidents, you can make a more informed decision. Remember to approach the conversation with empathy, support, and understanding, exploring alternative transportation options and highlighting the benefits of senior living communities. Ultimately, prioritizing their safety and finding suitable alternatives will help maintain their independence and enhance their quality of life.